...But It Doesn't Make It Any Easier
Mike Rupp, a member of the church for 24 years, offered this reflection of his feelings about MPC and the recent fire.
I confess, I am upset about the loss of the building. In my search for “why, it’s just a building” I started thinking.
I figure the first time I came into Malibu Pres was in 1983. I was playing for the Expos and had met my wife and probably attended Christmas service that year, 24 years ago. I was married there in 1989, 18 years ago. My kids were baptized there in 1994 and 1998, 13 and 9 years ago respectively. I was 22 years old when I first came to this church, I am now 46. I have been here more than half of my life...
I confess, I am upset about the loss of the building. In my search for “why, it’s just a building” I started thinking.
I figure the first time I came into Malibu Pres was in 1983. I was playing for the Expos and had met my wife and probably attended Christmas service that year, 24 years ago. I was married there in 1989, 18 years ago. My kids were baptized there in 1994 and 1998, 13 and 9 years ago respectively. I was 22 years old when I first came to this church, I am now 46. I have been here more than half of my life...
I taught Sunday school, I worked vacation bible school, I stood on
stage and was tornado man when some guy came to entertain the kids,
caravanned to Promise Keepers and retreats from the parking lot,
dropped my kids off for camp departures, decorated the sanctuary, moved
pews in and out for various events with my friends, had meetings,
cried, loved, developed friendships I would not normally have, nailed
my deepest darkest secrets to the cross on Maundy Thursday and asked
for forgiveness, learned what a church family was, developed a tool
belt for life based on the Bible, and generally learned the meaning to
become of service. As an adult, I have grown up here.
The things that have transpired in my life, the spiritual and emotional growth over those 24 years are too vast and lengthy to remember or recount but all along I knew I was getting better. That building for me was a symbol, a reminder of all of this and now it’s gone. That’s why I’m sad.
It’s just a building, a shell like my humanly body. The true church is in the spirit and the building is a shell that house this spirit as my true self is my soul and my humanly body is just the shell that houses it. I understand this…… but it does not make it any easier.
The building was my home, my safe haven, my place of refuge. It was where I came home to talk to my heavenly father, my Dad. I know that God is all around but sometimes I couldn’t find him. I always found Him here. I have been taught, I understand, I study, I know all the right things to say and think….but it doesn’t make it any easier.
I have moved residences many times over the last 24 years since I first came here. When I left a house, I left a house. I never thought about these things like, “this is where I brought my daughter or my son home when they were born and I will never see it again”, because they weren’t my homes, this was my home. No matter where I was, no matter what happened, if I ran away for a couple years, this was my home and I could always come back and seek counsel and talk to my Dad. I came to thank Him, I came to cry, I came to search for answers to stay on the path, I came to pray, to see how I could help others and He always spoke to me. I know he is all around, but sometimes it’s hard to get a hold of Him sitting in traffic on the 405, so I would come here. I have driven by here thousands of times on my way to work. I’d say "Hi, "How’s it going, thanks for everything", as I sped by. I spoke to the building because I knew my dad was in there and it comforted me and I just wanted to say hi. These are all selfish things, I know that but it doesn’t make it any easier.
Then I think, I’m sure I’m not alone. I am lucky because I know the answer. God is everywhere, I just need to find Him. A customer of mine told me when I mentioned how upset I was about the building that, “you know, he’s not in there”. At first I thought he was denying the existence of God and then realized he was merely pointing out that God was everywhere. I know this, but sometimes I can’t find Him. I always found Him in here.
Now my world is rocked. My home, my safe haven of 24 years has burnt down. Although I grieve for my selfish loss, I know I will be better. I’ve had challenges, the near death of both of my kids, the death of my nephew from brain cancer when he was six and my faith has always pulled me through and I found it in the building.
In 2004 my house flooded, pretty much wiped out from a flash flood from the hill above us. I was upset, mostly with my neighbor because I felt it was his fault. After a couple days of deciding that this surely was a sign from God to get off my rear and sue this guy back to the Stone Age I heard God. “Mike, something great is gong to become of this and it is not going to be you get new floors”. I had to trust. I did and it did, mostly I learned about justified anger and that is better left to folks who are better equipped to deal with it than me. So now when things don’t go my way, it’s OK. My faith is not being tested here, I am being given a new tool to put in my tool belt……but it doesn’t make it any easier.
When I saw the church burning, it was like seeing my house burn, all of these memories came flooding back in an instant. My first reaction was this was going to be awesome because God was going to do something great, like he did for me only a hundred fold…..and He will. But for now it doesn’t make it any easier.
My heart goes out to our staff, I can not understand your feelings because I am not in your shoes, and my needs are selfish. My heart goes out to the people of Malibu and surrounding communities who have driven by here in times of despair and did not learn to stop and come in and say hi and now have no hope. My heart goes out to people like me who are grieving, I know how they feel.
In the end it is fear. What am I going to do? Will the building be the same, will I still have a home and will my dad be there so I can talk to Him? If I have a tragedy, where do I go to find God, my home is gone. My needs are selfish and I am thinking of myself and I understand that….but for now it doesn’t make it any better.
I know, as we all do, things will be OK because God will not leave us hanging. I’ve learned it’s called faith and through my growth and life experiences mine is steadfast. It’s an unusual thing in the modern world, faith, by societies standards you can’t see it, you can’t touch it, it’s hard to explain to someone, you can’t quantify or measure it, it just is and I thank God for the gift. I know that myself, along with my church will rise from the ashes and be stronger and do more wondrous deeds than ever imagined. I know through this process I will learn to find God outside a building, it is the miracle working in me. I understand this….but for now it doesn’t make it any easier.
The things that have transpired in my life, the spiritual and emotional growth over those 24 years are too vast and lengthy to remember or recount but all along I knew I was getting better. That building for me was a symbol, a reminder of all of this and now it’s gone. That’s why I’m sad.
It’s just a building, a shell like my humanly body. The true church is in the spirit and the building is a shell that house this spirit as my true self is my soul and my humanly body is just the shell that houses it. I understand this…… but it does not make it any easier.
The building was my home, my safe haven, my place of refuge. It was where I came home to talk to my heavenly father, my Dad. I know that God is all around but sometimes I couldn’t find him. I always found Him here. I have been taught, I understand, I study, I know all the right things to say and think….but it doesn’t make it any easier.
I have moved residences many times over the last 24 years since I first came here. When I left a house, I left a house. I never thought about these things like, “this is where I brought my daughter or my son home when they were born and I will never see it again”, because they weren’t my homes, this was my home. No matter where I was, no matter what happened, if I ran away for a couple years, this was my home and I could always come back and seek counsel and talk to my Dad. I came to thank Him, I came to cry, I came to search for answers to stay on the path, I came to pray, to see how I could help others and He always spoke to me. I know he is all around, but sometimes it’s hard to get a hold of Him sitting in traffic on the 405, so I would come here. I have driven by here thousands of times on my way to work. I’d say "Hi, "How’s it going, thanks for everything", as I sped by. I spoke to the building because I knew my dad was in there and it comforted me and I just wanted to say hi. These are all selfish things, I know that but it doesn’t make it any easier.
Then I think, I’m sure I’m not alone. I am lucky because I know the answer. God is everywhere, I just need to find Him. A customer of mine told me when I mentioned how upset I was about the building that, “you know, he’s not in there”. At first I thought he was denying the existence of God and then realized he was merely pointing out that God was everywhere. I know this, but sometimes I can’t find Him. I always found Him in here.
Now my world is rocked. My home, my safe haven of 24 years has burnt down. Although I grieve for my selfish loss, I know I will be better. I’ve had challenges, the near death of both of my kids, the death of my nephew from brain cancer when he was six and my faith has always pulled me through and I found it in the building.
In 2004 my house flooded, pretty much wiped out from a flash flood from the hill above us. I was upset, mostly with my neighbor because I felt it was his fault. After a couple days of deciding that this surely was a sign from God to get off my rear and sue this guy back to the Stone Age I heard God. “Mike, something great is gong to become of this and it is not going to be you get new floors”. I had to trust. I did and it did, mostly I learned about justified anger and that is better left to folks who are better equipped to deal with it than me. So now when things don’t go my way, it’s OK. My faith is not being tested here, I am being given a new tool to put in my tool belt……but it doesn’t make it any easier.
When I saw the church burning, it was like seeing my house burn, all of these memories came flooding back in an instant. My first reaction was this was going to be awesome because God was going to do something great, like he did for me only a hundred fold…..and He will. But for now it doesn’t make it any easier.
My heart goes out to our staff, I can not understand your feelings because I am not in your shoes, and my needs are selfish. My heart goes out to the people of Malibu and surrounding communities who have driven by here in times of despair and did not learn to stop and come in and say hi and now have no hope. My heart goes out to people like me who are grieving, I know how they feel.
In the end it is fear. What am I going to do? Will the building be the same, will I still have a home and will my dad be there so I can talk to Him? If I have a tragedy, where do I go to find God, my home is gone. My needs are selfish and I am thinking of myself and I understand that….but for now it doesn’t make it any better.
I know, as we all do, things will be OK because God will not leave us hanging. I’ve learned it’s called faith and through my growth and life experiences mine is steadfast. It’s an unusual thing in the modern world, faith, by societies standards you can’t see it, you can’t touch it, it’s hard to explain to someone, you can’t quantify or measure it, it just is and I thank God for the gift. I know that myself, along with my church will rise from the ashes and be stronger and do more wondrous deeds than ever imagined. I know through this process I will learn to find God outside a building, it is the miracle working in me. I understand this….but for now it doesn’t make it any easier.
For more information about MPC, please email us at:
info@malibupres.org
Many have been asking how they may financially support Malibu
Pres. We deeply appreciate any contribution.
All donations may be sent to:
Malibu Presbyterian Church, 3324 Malibu Canyon Road, Malibu, CA 90265.